It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
