I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
