Is it because I queefed?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
