The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
