all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He shit in the fireplace
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
