textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
