soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
