i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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