I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
