its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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