I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
