Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
