WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
