apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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