...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
