she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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