I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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