The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
