I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
