Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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