Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
