worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
