I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
