I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
