My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
