are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
