I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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