My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
