In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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