i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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