Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
People in love make me want to vomit
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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