i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
