Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
did i just pee glitter
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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