JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
