he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
