i think my mom watched the whole time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
