i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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