Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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