Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ruined the universe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
