I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize