You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
