matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
