He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
