Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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