final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
