Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this hospital has no fireball
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
