I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
