I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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