see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
