Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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