HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
