she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
