Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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