i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
