are you still at the devil's house?
barbara walters just said penis...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
