Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
