I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
