# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
