Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
