Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
