i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
