im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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